I am a mom. I will now ALWAYS have guilt....

about my boys. I think it is in our nature as mothers to feel SOME sort of guilt about how we mother. If I yell at the boys I have instant guilt (well, Unless they need a good yell!) If I am sick and have a lazy day I feel GUILT b/c I think I haven't spent enough time with them. I should have read them a book, taken them for a walk. Oh I could go onnnnnnnn. I was reading a blog of a very sweet woman who has guilt over a ACCIDENT that happened with her child and she was talking about the guilt she feels over it. I want so badly for her to be able to heal from that. She is such a wonderful person. Not that men don't have these feelings but I really don't think they have them as much as women do and over the reasons we feel guilt. Like forgetting to kiss your son good-bye on his way into school....I think my family is a little different in that I have a dad and brother who are quite in tuned with women's emotions and I think it stems from my Papa (my grandfather) who was very in tuned to my grandmother, he also helped out around the house which back in the day was VERY unusual and MY dad saw that and he is very much a product of my Papa. And my brother also, he doesn't think twice about cooking, cleaning etc. Plus he lived with me! And I must admit I am a REAL girly girl. My dad still gets sad over a picture of me taken when I was in kindergarten and I had been WEEPING about getting my photo taken, I was PAINFULLY shy- Ya I know WHAT happened, well, I married Bill. He still gets a funny feeling in his heart when he sees it. I think that is so sweet. My brother and sis in law gave me a card when Drew was born that says something along the lines of, "Once your child is born you walk around with your heart outside of your body" how true! I'm lucky to have a husband who as much as he can DRIVE ME AROUND THE BEND, he too understands how my head works and how sometimes just looking at our boys makes me want to cry. Bill is very much a MAN. He's tall, big, rough and tough and if you don't know him well just looking at him you might get the impression that he is well, mean. He's not. Some stuff he might tell me to "toughen up" but for the most part he is a big teddy bear. Running me baths when I have PMS from hell. Making me leave the house and go out to have a coffee and read my book somewhere in peace. He hugs and kisses our boys, and tells them daily he loves them. He even cries at sad movies! I love that our boys will be brought up with kisses from their big daddy.

I dropped Drew off at preschool for his first day. He was sooo excited to see all his buddies. I really have a beautiful boy(s). Watching him I felt so proud of how nice he is to other kids, he seemed a little shy almost so yup, my heart felt a little sad. Man I LOVE my kids to death! As he walked away holding his buddies hand he looked back at me and said "bye mommy. I love you!" Hmmmmm, ok, FORGIVEN for the next 5 years of all wrong doing! I felt PRIDE. How much longer will he yell out that he loves me while in a group of all his buddies. ( I can hear Billy saying, " He better not be holding his buddies hand a few yrs from now in school!")

So off to start the day!